HOPELESS AMBITION
created in the confines of the shelter-in-place order by the City of San Francisco due to the CoVID-19 pandemic
Current research as part of Addo Platform’s Our Stories Residency
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I’M LOST. AIN’T WE ALL?
Something that is resonating with me currently is hope and ambition. Also, hopelessness and lethargy. I have the drive to create and make and do and accomplish, but when it comes time to take those steps, I feel like I’m sprinting to the midpoint of a race all to be taken over by the start of a completely different one - hardly a finish in sight. An incompletion. I began this research with a 90-minute improvisation in my living room called "YelloBlu: Inhabiting Aesthetically Articulated Spaces", but I have yet to build from that…
I’M GONNA DO IT. AIN’T WE ALL?
The goal? To thrive. What does that look like and what forms does it take throughout the process? I most certainly need to be vulnerable as I enter this process, a state I throw myself into at times and run away from at others. But fuck it. Let’s try.
REST, REST, REST. AIN’T WE ALL?
“A CONTEMPORARY DANCE PERFORMANCE ARTIST WHO CREATES ENVIRONMENTS THAT GENERATE VISCERAL EXPERIENCES THAT TAKE BOTH PERFORMER AND WITNESS INTO ALTERNATIVE REALITIES.”
SEIZE THE DAY! OR DAYS...OR WEEK(S)...OR MAYBE DON’T SEIZE. MAYBE, JUST BE.
First, when quarantine began, I finally had time to edit film footage from my solo last year. It’s also a great time to pick up my Spanish lessons, again. Oh, and an intro to computer science class? Sure! But damn, I’m not training or commuting by bike so much so...running! Ok, and then there’s Gaga Online. And Counter Technique Online just launched! What else? I’ve always been interested in acting. Let’s learn a monologue. Oh, and I’ve been meaning to read Erich Fromm and Jonathan Burrows. Finally, there is time…
This has been my life the last two months. It feels scattered, flailing, ambitious, and ungrounded. The thing that excites me the most about this time is a deeper listening to myself. Yesterday, a Wednesday, I had very little motivation to do anything. And I sat with that. I didn’t try to force it away. I allowed time, itself, to stretch and to find comfort in an otherwise uncomfortable state. Perhaps this is the remedy to my above research proposal?